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For my Corvid - Lexical Ambiguity [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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For my Corvid [Nov. 16th, 2016|05:00 pm]
No
What liminal limerence wraps its vines and
untethers me from myself
completely?
All the invested balk at my irregularities,
my mind appears to be no steady market on a short timeline.
Distractible? Inevitable.
I circle around like the seasons and only the sort of
nature accustomed to ebbing and flowing tides
may make sense of it.
We are trained to think there is less of ourselves when there is more of
someone else.
We have learned to partition and rank experience: this is great because it is more,
this is lesser because there are many
- yet would you devalue any given day shared?
I traveled across the world for two weeks and poured
the shape of
all
my
feelings
into who I found there.
An affair that had no route to go, but by geography
pooled and evaporated.
It was a river never let out to sea, consumed whole by the dry earth
amidst all the cravings for rain a brittle desert body could beg for.
It was no less true for its ending.

And you
you want us not to end, or wane, or lessen or divide.
You would be my sea, and scorn my rivers
though the water is the same.

I will share with you the truth of our seasons as best as I know them
now seven years and 150 days in (today):
you are a constant current, the electricity in my pulse,
a bright and diligent star I sail ever toward.
I cannot, and have not ever, been able to look on that brightness continuously; there must be breath between our notes.
I have seen relationships suffocate by smothering flames with
every kind of attempt to guard them.
I have pined and waited and wanted,
kept up at night and furiously afraid that
only
I
was in this place.
If you're going to come here with me, we're both going to pine sometimes.
The wanting keeps the fire growing,
the uncertainty challenges us to grow, too.
Dynamism cannot play too closely with comfort,
I struggle with it, too.
That vital, impassioned epic of our love is the product of
countless storms weathered
and so many opportunities to extend
trust.
It's what makes us romantic,
it's what keeps us courting.
Focus on the desire that lives in your fear,
the yearning behind your fear,
on your dedication in the void, nostalgia in the dark,
and I promise to continue to do the same.
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